Just over a year ago, my husband and I were shopping for a car that would be a better fit for our expanded family. A salesman at the dealership heard of our interest in a model with a particular set of features and he exclaimed “Ah! A Unicorn!”. In other words, it was more common to hear about the combination we were looking for than to see it.
In my work as a divorce attorney, I sometimes get the sense that the idea of a divorce that’s not thoroughly rotten seems as elusive as a unicorn. For that reason, I was happy to see this article in the October 2014 issue of Women’s Health. The take home lesson? Divorce/separation does not have to be ugly.
Based on my practice, I think the piece is one of the rare portrayals of divorce in popular literature that’s pretty darn accurate. It acknowledges that amicable divorce is not easy and that communication is critical. It points out the benefits and identifies some of the changes both parties must make when relating to each other. And, it raises the idea of the value of hiring objective (non-adversarial) counsel to help you get the agreements you need; knowing that a divorce is often the biggest financial deal that a person will make, it’s smart to get input from someone who knows the ropes.
As Faye Brennan, the author of the piece points out, there are marriages where an amicable divorce is unlikely or may be inappropriate. Brennan cites situations of cheating, lying, neglect, or betrayal. To her list, I’d add situations of abuse.
One caution I have to offer is to not simply pursue the an amicable divorce “for the money”. Certainly, it’s great to be able to save money in a divorce process, already a costly shift as you go from one household to two. That said, it’s important to be mindful of the trade-offs that you make in a divorce and ensure that your bottom-line needs are met, both financial needs and others.
If you’re curious to learn more about the “Conscious Uncoupling” method highlighted in the piece, it turns out the pioneer of that approach is offering a free online class later this month. Here’s where you can check it out: http://evolvingwisdom.com/consciousuncoupling/free-online-class/.